You’re meeting ran late, you get home and try to get the house in order. You have dinner to make plus everyone's lunch for tomorrow. You have a workout you want to get in and one of your kids has baseball practice, which means you all need to eat quickly and run out the door. When you get home everyone needs to take a shower and get ready for bed. Finally everyone is asleep and you realize you feel like you barely had time to ask your kids about their day, and you are suddenly hit with a wall of guilt. Friend, I’ve totally been there, in fact I still find myself in this space often so know you are not alone. In this post I will share my top 3 ways to deal with feeling guilty as a busy mom and don’t worry, I know you’re doing an amazing job!
Be Open With Your Kids
Whenever I know we are headed towards a crazy day I am completely open with my kids. I let them know first thing in the morning that our time is super limited and I explain what we have going on and why it is so busy. If I’m being honest it is usually jam packed and busy because they have a ton of activities so they tend to understand. I do this because it helps all of us start our day knowing the expectations. They know what we have to do, where we have to go, and what we have time for.
This doesn’t mean they still won’t ask. My kids absolutely love going to the playground after school, I mean who wouldn’t. Some days I can make that happen but others I just can’t so when we have our conversation in the morning I may tell them, I know you really want to play with your friends after school today. We have too much going on today but I can make that happen tomorrow (or whatever day will work for you). I feel being open with them helps because they can see that I’m trying to work with them the best I can. Some days they still get super upset, they are still kids lol, but I find my guilt isn’t bad because I know I gave them a clear picture of the day plus I gave them the option to get what they want another time.
This also goes for when I have to miss things, which being a working mom happens. I always try to let them know whenever I find out I am going to miss something. I avoid comments like, we’ll see, or I’ll try my best. I know that helps soften the feelings in the moment but you are giving them some expectation that it could happen and if you know it can’t happen just be honest. Whenever I have to miss something I always try and get someone to go, usually it is my husband or my parents. There have been times my husband and I both have had to miss a school event and in those times I have our friends take pictures for us. The guilt still comes on but again I know I’ve done everything I could to make the best out of the situation and that tends to help.
Setting expectations is a big part of this tip. I try to be as honest as I can with my kids, even if I know they aren’t going to like the answer. It gives us time to have a discussion about the situation and why it has to be this way.
Remember You Are Human
Know going in you are not going to be perfect, I’m not being mean, I’m being honest. No one is perfect so you can ditch that expectation right now! There are going to be times that you will make a mistake as a mom. I make them also and when I do, I start to feel the guilt coming on. I’ve overreacted, I’ve yelled, I’ve said the wrong thing, I’ve missed parties or play dates, I’ve made tons of mistakes and when I do, I apologize. I tell my kids I was wrong, I explain how I am feeling, and I tell them I am sorry.
You are human and no one is going to be able to stay totally calm all the time or remember everything!
I don’t know about you, but I am super hard on myself. Remember those expectations we talked about earlier, we are about to cycle back to those. I find “mom guilt” usually stems from the expectations we set for ourselves before we became moms.
Now friend, whenever you hear someone who isn’t a parent make a comment like, “Well, my child won’t…” How hard do you laugh, even to yourself?? Those are the expectations I’m talking about. You have probably said that sentence yourself before you became a mom, we all do it. Then we become moms and realize our expectations were borderline impossible and we have to adjust! And there is NOTHING wrong with having to adjust!
The whole point here is these expectations we set for ourselves can be causing the guilt you are feeling. To deal with this, we need to show ourselves some compassion. Whenever you catch yourself saying negative comments like, “I’m the worst because” I want you to ask yourself, would you say that to a friend? Would you talk to another mom in that way? NO! So stop talking to yourself that way.
Ditch The Distractions
One of the biggest things I do to help with mom guilt is actually something to help prevent it. I try my best to get rid of distractions when we have family time. This could be when we are watching a movie or playing a game, I try to put my phone in the other room or put it on silent, that way my attention is focused on our activity and not what is going on somewhere else.
I also set aside any work I have to complete or jobs that need to be done. When we are having family time, that is the only goal. There is no multitasking or trying to work on projects while we do it.
This really helps because I know how busy we are and so many times I am trying to do multiple things at once which usually means I am not as present as I want to be. But when we are having time together I want that to be the only thing I am focused on and limiting my distractions really helps me to do that!
Asking For Help
I wanted to throw in this bonus tip because I really feel it is so important. If you are really struggling with feeling guilty then there is nothing wrong with reaching out to a healthcare professional to get more help.
Talking to a licensed therapist can really help with these feelings and my friends, I speak from experience here. Mental health is very important and I share this with you to help reduce the stigma around it. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for more help if you feel you need it!
So there you have it, my go to tips for handling the mom guilt! We already have enough on our plates and we really don’t need any extra things to stress about, am I right?? I know you are doing an amazing job!
In case you feel like you need a little more help organizing your time, I wanted to share this awesome resource I created just for you! This is my guide to creating a successful morning routine! It helps me organize my morning to be productive before my kids even get out of bed which then helps me focus my energy on them when it is time for them to get up! Click here to grab this free resource! See you there!
Happy Saturday! I wanted to hop by and give you this important message for this weekend because I hear a lot of this going around!
Do not punish yourself with exercise. When you get into that mindset you will start resenting working out because you will associate it with something negative rather than all the positive it brings.
I totally get not wanting to lose your progress but it is not going to happen with one meal or in one day or really one weekend!
If you can relate to this I want you to do this...
Each morning when you get up be intentional about how you will show up that day. Will you do your workout? Will you focus on your nutrition? Will you go to the party and have one margarita and then seltzer? Pick your one way to show up and stick to it and let the rest happen. Remember this is for a day, not every single day. One day letting yourself eat outside your plan is going to be ok!
Have fun and make good memories, and please be safe! Uber is a fantastic ...
Here is a little preview at tomorrows lunch meal prep recipe!! If you do not subscribe I would totally join now to grab this recipe!
Use the code Mealprep for a free month!
Sometimes we struggle with our progress because we are doing too much too quickly! This journey is going to take time and if we do too much at once we are going to get overwhelmed and will end up making it harder!
These are 3 signs that you may be starting off with too much and may need to scale it back a bit!
https://www.coffeedonutsfitness.com/post/3-essential-signs-you-are-starting-with-too-much
I get this question often, rightfully so I guess lol I mean I have Donuts and Fitness together in my business name which can be a little confusing. I want to straightforward tell you what it is and what it is not!
IT IS...
- A mindset nutrition company focused on building healthy habits to lead a healthy lifestyle. I am about building small sustainable healthy habits! My belief in regards to nutrition is balance. I am not a big believer to completely cutting things out of your diet.
- A source of motivation and tips for making better choices in a reasonable fashion. I love sharing tips I have found along my journey. My goal is to help you on your journey!
- A place to find healthy recipes you can easily incorporate into your busy weeknights. Creating healthy recipes for families is one of my favorite parts of what I do! I can't wait to share them with you!
- A source of tips to work with your family on making better choices, yes that means your children also! I love to work with ...
Hi There, I'm Sam!
I am the owner of Coffee Donuts Fitness!
Most days you can find me running around because I am a busy mom of 2 boys! I am usually with my family or doing some kind of activity! We are a very active family!
I am mostly known for helping other busy moms with meal preps and planning. I love serving others by giving them strategies to help them be successful on their wellness journey and to feel great while doing it! I am most passionate about my health, my family, and inspiring others to lead a healthy lifestyle while still enjoying some yummy treats along the way!
I create courses, teach, and inspire other moms who struggle with trying to fit it all in. I know what it is like to be really busy but still want to be able to focus on getting healthy! It can really be hard! I am so lucky to be able to inspire and teach them to focus on their healthy while leading a busy life and without making excuses!
When I'm not busy working on building my community you can catch me ...
Hey members! My new website is up and running and I would LOVE to be able to show it to you!
There you will find all my weekly blog posts, weekly challenges, a monthly bonus recipe, and some free trainings thrown in!
Also I am so excited to bring to you the Coffee Donuts Fitness Academy! On this part of the site you will have access to ALL my recipes, exclusive trainings and posts to help guide you through your journey!
Because you all mean so much to me I have a special deal just for you! Come check out the new Academy and use the code CDF15 to save 15% off the monthly membership!
I hope to see you there!
